My Weird School #11: Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal!

My Weird School #11: Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal!

by Dan Gutman

ISBN: 9780060822293

Publisher HarperCollins

Published in Children's Books/Transportation, Children's Books/Humor

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Sample Chapter

Chapter One

Never Kiss Your
Mom in Public

My name is A.J. and I hate school.

Do you know which is the worst day of the week? If you ask me, it's Monday. Because Monday is the start of five days of school in a row. That's horrible!

Tuesday and Wednesday aren't so great either.

Thursday is a pretty good day, because then we only have one day of school left before the weekend.

Friday is really good, because that's when the school week is over.

But the best day of the week is Saturday. I play peewee football on Saturday, and we don't have school again for two whole days.

Too bad it was Monday morning. I was waiting in front of my house for the school bus with my mom.

"You be a good boy, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I will."

"Don't get into any trouble, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I won't."

"Remember to raise your hand when you want to talk, A.J.," my mom told me.

"Don't shoot straw wrappers at the girls, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I won't."

My mom told me about a million hundred other things I wasn't allowed to do until I saw the yellow school bus coming around the corner.

"Mom, I promise not to have any fun at all," I said. "Bye!"

The bus pulled up. Mrs. Kormel, the bus driver, pushed a button and made the little stop sign pop out the side of the bus so the cars on the street will stop. We call it the magic stop sign. That thing is cool.

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

No way I was going to kiss my mother in front of all the kids staring out the bus window. That's the first rule of being a kid. Don't ever kiss your mother when other kids are watching!

"Uh, I don't want to be late for school, Mom."

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

"That's not gonna happen, Mom."

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

"Over my dead body, Mom."

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

"I will if you give me a hundred dollars, Mom," I said.

My mother tried to wrap her arms around me, but I know how to get away from tacklers. When Mom went to grab me, I threw her a head fake, spun away, and gave her a few of my best fancy footwork moves that I learned playing peewee football. She didn't have a chance! I sidestepped her and ran on the bus before she could hug or kiss me.

Ha-ha-ha! My mom can't play football for beans. Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on her!

Excerpted from "My Weird School #11: Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal!" by Dan Gutman. Copyright © 2006 by Dan Gutman. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Author Profile

Dan Gutman

Dan Gutman

Dan Gutman was born in a log cabin in Illinois, and used to write by candlelight with a piece of chalk on a shovel. Wait a minute. That was Abraham Lincoln.Actually, Dan grew up in New Jersey. And, for some reason, he still lives there.
Like a lot of boys, Dan didn't like reading, but loved sports. So naturally, he grew up to write sports books for reluctant readers.
In 1994, Dan cooked up a novel about a boy who finds the most valuable baseball card in the world, and discovers he has the power to travel through time using a baseball card like a time machine. The result was Honus & Me. Rejected by ten publishers over two years, it was finally published in 1997 by HarperCollins.
Honus was nominated for eleven state book awards, made into a play, a TV movie, and established Dan Gutman as an emerging name in middle grade fiction. Most importantly, it allowed Dan to avoid getting a real job.
The success of Honus jumpstarted a ten book series--Jackie & Me, Babe & Me, Shoeless Joe & Me, Mickey & Me, Abner & Me, Satch & Me, Jim & Me, Ray & Me, and Roberto & Me. Dan’s goal is to keep writing baseball card adventures until HarperCollins rips the laptop out of his cold, dead hands.
In his insatiable quest for world domination, Dan turned toward younger kids with the My Weird School series. Aimed at beginning readers, MWS describes a school in which the kids are normal but the teachers are all insane. Each book focuses on a different adult--Miss Daisy Is Crazy!, Mr. Klutz Is Nuts!, Mrs. Cooney Is Loony!, Miss Lazar Is Bizarre!, Ms. Todd Is Odd!, Mr. Macky is Wacky!, Ms. Coco Is Loco!, Mr. Louie is Screwy!,and Mr. Hynde is Out of His Mind! (The titles rhyme, you see.)
There are now 30 My Weird School and My Weird School Daze titles. The books have sold three million copies, (and those are just the ones Dan bought himself trying to get on the bestseller list). My Weird School has been cracking up kids all over the country, and there's no doubt that it is the best early reader series in the history of the world.
When he’s not writing books, Dan writes self-glorifying profiles. He lives with his wife, Nina, and their kids, Sam and Emma.

View full Profile of Dan Gutman

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