The Fairy Gardens
On a breezy October afternoon, Dave and Kelly walked to Dave’s
restaurant and sat down at their usual booth where Spence and Val were
waiting for them. The four of them started chatting.
“So, today we find out whether we’ll be having a boy or a girl,”
Kelly revealed as Spence and Val replied with varying congratulatory
statements. Stacy, the red haired waitress whom Dave went on a date with
not too long ago, approached them and handed them their food, giving
Dave a wink before heading back to the kitchen. Several minutes later,
they finished eating their lunch and Dave and Kelly stepped out of the
restaurant and strolled to the clinic in the seedy neighborhood where
she had her pregnancy test several months prior. They sat in the dingy
waiting room, embracing each other before the doctor with bloodshot eyes
and a vacant expression, led them to a room where the thin,
dark-skinned, pretty nurse had Kelly lie down and prepared her for an
ultrasound. As Kelly was lying down, the doctor ravenously grabbed two
lollipops and started licking each of them with intense ferocity. The
doctor then left followed by the nurse who told Kelly, “Bye,
A horrified look went across her face as Dave just burst into laughter.
“I have never seen such unprofessionalism,” Kelly squealed before
she also started laughing with Dave.
“Speaking of unprofessionalism,” Dave began, “did you notice our
doctor was stoned off his ass?”
“What? No, he wasn’t,” Kelly replied in disbelief. At that very
moment, the doctor strolled by blaring Insane in the Brain by Cypress
Hill on his phone. Dave gave a smug look to Kelly who retorted, “You
were right. How do you always know when people are high? Every time
you’ve been right.”
“It’s a gift,” he confessed. “We do need to talk about our
child’s future: when will Dave Jr. or Kelly Jr. take his or her first
“I don’t know,” Kelly replied while genuinely contemplating it,
“but we’ll put it in his or her book of firsts and label it
‘baby’s first joint’. Speaking of which, when did you first take
your first toke?”
“I was 14,” he informed, “I was at school. It happened during a
private tutoring lesson from a substitute teacher who grew her own weed
and shared it with me.”
“That seems highly unethical and unprofessional. What became of
her?” Kelly inquired with great interest.
“Oh, this is a no spoiler zone. You’ll have to find out about that
in another story,” he snickered.
Moments later, the doctor walked in and proceeded to give Kelly her
ultrasound and in a slow, slurred voice announced, “Congratulations
Ms. Fleisher, it’s a girl.” Kelly leapt up and wrapped her arms and
legs around Dave tightly and kissed him over and over again.
“Let’s go decide on names!” she screamed as she grabbed him by the
hand and they ran all the way to their apartment. As Kelly ran over to
the couch to grab her iPad, Dave went to the kitchen to pull out some of
his home-made garlic pita chips and hummus on a plate and set it on the
coffee table next to Kelly. With her mouthful she asked, “What do you
think about the name Daenerys? We can call her Dani for short.”
“Well,” he stammered, “let’s keep trying. How about Hermione?”
“Not bad,” Kelly replied with a grimace on her face.
“Lorelei!” Dave blurted out.
Her expression formed into a death glare as she responded, “We are not
naming our child after your mother. No offense.”
“Fine,” Dave replied, mildly offended, “let’s call her Chili.
Even though she will be too proud to beg.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t fit because a daughter of mine will go
chasing waterfalls. Ooh, how about Shania?”
“That name doesn’t impress me much,” Dave admitted. “How about
“No more 90’s references! The readers have had enough!” Kelly
“All right,” he pressed, “how about Padme?”
“That’s pretty,” Kelly confessed, “where’s it from?”
“The Star Wars prequels,” Dave gleefully informed.
“I’ve never seen those, so I don’t know if I’m okay with that
yet,” she replied.
“Oh, we are so watching Attack of the Clones on blu ray tonight!” he
demanded as he caught a glimpse of the look of reluctant acceptance on
“Jayna!” she bellowed. “Let’s call her Jayna. I honestly don’t
know why that wasn’t the very first name that sprung to mind.”
“That’s a beautiful name. How did you come up with it?” he asked.
She replied, “I had an aunt named Jayna and she was the only relative
I had that was supportive of the fact that I was able to perform magic.
I got to stay with her during summer holidays after I started school,
for a few years at least and she let me practice my magical skills. She
was extremely proud of me. Unfortunately, when I was 15, my parents
found out that she allowed me to engage in my ‘sinful lifestyle’ and
they decided that they needed to put a stop to that, as well as
reprimanding my aunt for having a supportive attitude towards me. They
couldn’t bear the thought of anybody being accepting of my magical
abilities. I haven’t seen her since then and I want to give her the
name of ‘Jayna’ as a reminder of the few memories I had with my
family growing up.”
Dave began to get glassy-eyes as he put his arm around his girlfriend
and kissed the top of her head before he eagerly agreed to the name
Kelly suggested. Later on that evening, they watched Attack of the
Clones on blu ray, which Kelly was surprised to find she enjoyed for the
most part. After the movie was over, the two climbed up the stairs and
fell into bed.
Excerpted from "The Dave & Kelly Chronicles: Volume One" by Jacob Moore. Copyright © 2017 by Jacob Moore. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.