BOOK DETAILS

Words Never Spoken

Words Never Spoken

by Cheryl Denise Bannerman

ISBN: 9781524622664

Publisher AuthorHouse

Published in Self-Help/Motivational, Literature & Fiction

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Book Description

$3.99

A Self-Help book of spoken word.

Sample Chapter


CHAPTER 1

When I Was Me (Back When I Knew Myself)


I wanted what every girl wants: to fall in love and live happily ever after. But after one failed marriage and with forty quickly approaching, I had given up. Pouring my time into my child, my God, and my business was my life. So here is my story ...


    I Am Empowered

    I am empowered
    I am His Daughter
    HE has my back

    I am empowered
    My child is His grandchild
    HE has our back

    I am empowered
    Oh how we prosper
    For nothing we lack

    We are empowered
    We be writin' dem checks
    Wit lots of zeroes

    We are His children
    We are the ones you mock
    We are the ones you hate

    We are successful
    Checks in the mail
    Everyone knows our name

    We are His children
    Unique in our own way
    Never the same

    I am empowered by her
    She is empowered by me
    We are as One

    I am empowered by her
    She is empowered by me
    We are His Children

    Try as you may
    Try as you will
    Won't take that pill

    Blue or Red, I ain't dead
    Eternal Life

    Neva givin' up
    That's what's up
    Through pain and strife

    I am empowered
    I am empowered
    This is my life

    I am empowered
    Let me empower you
    I live for HIS glory

    I am empowered
    I AM empowered
    I AM EMPOWERED

    This was who I was.


    Oh, You Tryin' Me, huh?

    Picture it. 2001. Cranbury, New Jersey.
    A scared little girl clinging to her mama's leg.
    Lookin' up like 'she don't know that man'.

    I thought I knew that man.
    Had a baby with that man.
    Married that man.
    Divorced that man.
    But I ain't know that man.

    A scared little girl clinging to her mama's leg.

    Classified as separation anxiety, ADHD, and blah blah blah
    Somethin' ain't right
    Is you tryin' me, Satan?

    A scared little girl hiding in small spaces
    Hot with the fire of anger
    Confused and alone

    A mama scared to face the truth
    The results are in
    Yep. He tryin' me. The ULTIMATE test.

    As the envelope and letter fell to the floor
    My body followed
    My legs nor my God could hold me up

    A scared little girl clinging to her mama's leg

    Doctors. Disclosures. Court dates.
    Went on for years.
    A scared little girl with endless tears.

    Two years and counting
    More litigation
    White man in a robe sayin' he deserve visitation

    You don't know me
    Or my scared little girl
    Scars that will NEVA heal

    Innocence snatched away
    Like a wig in a cat fight
    You don't know me Mr. white man in a robe

    Oh, yes, he tryin' me.
    Watchin' CSI mocking up my plan
    Wonderin' if anyone 'knew of' a man

    Can anyone help me?
    Can he just roam free?
    For what he did to my baby and me

    A scared little girl clinging to her mama's leg.

    Picture it. 2003. South Orange, New Jersey.
    The verdict is in
    A scared little girl dries her tears. The Healing begins.
    She don't know that man

    Growin' up STILL that scared little girl ... clinging to her mama's leg.
    Clinging to Her Father
    Hanging on to Faith
    Praying for peace
    I told you Satan NOT to try me.cause we know THAT Man.


    Becoming a Nun

    I only got two damn hands
    And it's only but so many more 'fantasies' in my head

    Girlfriends are trying
    Or tryin' to get in my bed

    Dating sites are for losers
    Who just want sum head

    Can a sista get a life?

    The Internet. Ha!
    Why can't you be who you say you are?
    Live close to me and not so far.
    Not have 10 kids and baby drama.
    Have a job and not live wit yo mama.
    Is that too much to ask?

    Gettin' used to goin' this life alone
    All dressed up with nowhere to go
    Waitin' for that knight in shinin' armor
    But, wait, I don't do no damn horses, so nevamind

    Anyway, as I was saying, A-L-O-N-E
    Pathetic is ME
    Watching Mad TV on a Saturday night
    Outside my window; world's passin' me by
    Don't care for the drink or the smoke
    Don't do weed, meth or coke
    So that makes me B-O-R-I-N-G in 2010
    Damn, where are the MEN!
    Am I askin' too much?

    I only got two damn hands
    And it's only but so many more 'fantasies' in my head

    Tossin' and turnin'
    Watching the sun fall
    Thinkin' of which Ex I could call
    I need it bad

    Got an offer to speed date
    But that's way too fast
    Got a call from a matchmaker
    But ain't got the cash

    Been to the library, church and the market
    And found me a sugah daddy
    Get me twenty dollars here and there (big up to Mike Epps)

    Seriously though, at the end of the day
    My needs unmet
    Panties wet
    ... patience is a virtue that I DON'T have
    I only got two damn hands
    And ima use 'em tonight!

    Bye Felicia!


Reflections: Knowing Yourself

Name all the things you LOVE about yourself when you are single.

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Name all the things you LOVE about yourself when you are coupled.

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________


Compare (1) and (2). Are they the same or different? In a good or bad way?

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2

Mr. Wonderful

Well, that day has finally come for me. I hit the jackpot ladies and the winnings are all mine. Here's how it went down ...


    Stella

    Got my groove back bitches
    Bye Grim Reaper
    Met 'em on the Internet, and this one's a keeper

    Nigga got a job, a car, and a ... well, you know
    With a smile that charms and an appetite for. you know
    I ain't lonely no mo'!

    Divorced like me wit one kid, jus' like me
    Been down and out, jus' like me
    Lookin' for love, jus' like me
    He whispers in my ear, 'lets make this official'
    I said, "You had me at Let's".

    Fun days and endless nights
    You could tell by my walk, I ain't put up a fight
    But I ain't one to kiss and tell

    Soon my abode became his own
    Along with all his shit
    And I officially buckled in for the ride, bitches

    You can't tell me nothin'
    Got me sum eye candy on my arm
    With his sexy swag and New York charm

    Ain't sayin' he's perfect
    Got a few bad habits
    But I'm blinded by the D

    Been over a year
    I was turned UP and OUT
    You couldn't tell me nuthin'

    Friends and family in my biz
    Givin' their two cents
    But I can't hear you tho

    Just call me Stella
    I ain't neva skurred
    So you best beware
    Telling anyone who asks who he belong to

    Or so I thought?


    Nigga Seddy

    Nigga seddy he had a job, just started
    Nigga seddy he had one kid, had five
    Nigga seddy he had a house, had a room
    Nigga seddy he was smoked on occasion, was a weed head

    I should walk away RIGHT NOW
    But I don't

    Thinkin of that 'one thing' like Amerie said
    'member, I ain't neva skurred

    I can be a ride or die chic
    I can be cool
    Betta than being alone again

    Six months later I'm already feeling you
    More shit comes into view
    I cover my ears and start singing. I can't listen.

    Here we go ...

    Nigga seddy he had a past, understatement of the year
    Nigga seddy he served time, drug possessions with an s
    Nigga seddy he had a job, been lying leaving for work every morning
    Nigga seddy he was like no other, damn sure right

    I should walk away RIGHT NOW
    But I don't

    This ain't the way I was raised
    This ain't the knight I was waiting for
    Who in the hell left the gate open?

    But God said not to judge
    Help people in need
    You have officially become my Project

    Ima help you see the light [congregation in background: Yesss!]
    Walk you to the altar [congregation in background: Thank you Jesus!]
    Remove the seddy from your life [congregation in background: Praise Him!]
    Can I get an AMEN church?! [congregation in background:
    Hallelujer! - in the words of Madea]

    So there you have it, the cat is officially out of the bag
    I was in love with the IDEA of being in love
    In love with the man I knew he COULD be
    Ain't that a bitch.

    I should walk away RIGHT NOW
    But I won't


    Supaman

    Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane
    Nope, it's just my man
    And he's still fuckin' lame

    Leaping from job to job in a single bound
    Tall enough to fuck four bitches at one time, and not get caught
    Or so he thought?
     [Homey don't play dat]

    With him I felt safe and secure
    As long as Henney wasn't around
    He ALWAYS stole the show when he was around

    I felt like the hottest woman in the room when we were out
    Unless a fat ass walked by
    Then I became the 2nd hottest woman in the room

    But I love the way he makes me feel
    The way he looks at me, deep into my eyes
    And then breathes smoke in my face

    I love his juicy lips and the way he kisses me
    When he says he'll be right back
    And shows up the next morning

    I love the way he cherishes our special moments
    Remembering places we visited together
    Until I realize I've never been there

    I love the way he slides up in me
    And takes it nice and slow
    And then passes out mid-stroke in a drunken stupor

    I love this man dammit
    He's mine and no one else's
    He's MY supaman

    Powerful enough to charm the smartest woman
    Out of her house, her money, and her dignity
    A woman with multiple graduate degrees and certifications
    A business-savvy entrepreneur, who lacks what my daddy called 'street
    smarts'

    But how could this be, you ask?
    How could this happen?
    Why is that lawyer calling him a 'slippery snake'?
    What does everyone else see that I don't?
    How much more of this could I take?

    What kind of 'tom foolery' is this?
    Why can't you see what I see?

    Can't you see him? He is supaman!
    See him flying through the skies?
    See him leap tall buildings?
    Watch him charm his way into any job?
    He can do ANYTHING

    What kind of 'tom foolery' is this?
    Why can't you see what I see?

    Why are they pointing and staring at me?
    I'm with supaman dammit!
    Don't tell me what you know about him, you know NOTHING!
    Only I know supaman's secrets.

    What his mama did to him?
    What the streets did to him?
    The pain in his throat when he chokes through the tears

    Telling his story with the help of Henney
    For the umpteenth time
    But still painful to hear

    Only I know supaman's secrets.
    Stories of incest, abuse and drugs.
    A young boy forced to become a man on the streets of New York
    Only I know.

    My supaman can overcome!
    You don't know him like I do.
    And you never will.
    Only I can help him.

    I CAN help him.

    I CAN HELP him.

    As I lower my head, he lifts my chin
    And slowly brushes my lips with his
    "I am anything you want me to be
    And only yours FOREVER."

    And then I awoke

Reflections: Your Knight

What did your Knight in Shining Armor or Princess/Queen look like as a child?

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________


What does your Knight in Shining Armor or Princess/Queen look like (through your eyes) today?

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 3

The Two-Faces Of Evil

I've seen mood swings before, I've seen drug addictions, I've seen alcoholics. Hell, my father was one. But I never been in a relationship with someone who had ALL OF THE ABOVE. Girl, let me school you ...


    Drunk in Love

    I obviously had Beyonce's song all wrong
    I'm up here drunk in love and this nigga's just drunk

    We goin' from high to low
    Happy to Sad
    Giddy to Depressed
    Hyper to Sleepy
    And Drunk to High
    In one goddamn day. What the hell?

    I'm livin' with Pookie from New Jack City
    And I don't know if I'm comin' or goin'
    If you don't get the hell out of my house

    3 am calls from the police
    'Come git your nigga, he seddy liv wit' you'
    Ain't this a bitch

    Now I got two kids I gotta raise, and I only carried one for nine months
    So why do I feel like I'm in labor again?
    Crawled up in the corner of the bed, in the fetal position, crying

    Did I hear somewhere that love wasn't supposed to hurt?
    Boy did they git that fucked up
    This shit hurt like hell

    Bruises on my arms and legs
    Hand marks around my neck
    Jabs to my self-esteem
    Words that cut like a machete
    And then after, make-up sex marking 3.0 on the Richter scale

    All was fine in my world again until the calls began
    Phone blowing up
    Stepping out to talk
    Girl interrupted

    Ex is in the picture
    All up in the frame
    How much more could I take?

    My tolerance must be either high or non-existent
    Six years go by and I'm hanging on for dear life
    I ain't neva skurred

    Until now ...

(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Words Never Spoken" by Cheryl Denise Bannerman. Copyright © 2016 by Cheryl Denise Bannerman. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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