BOOK DETAILS

The Last Relationship Book You Will Ever Need

The Last Relationship Book You Will Ever Need

by Jeremiah Dotson

ASIN: B01MYXOKBP

Publisher CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Published in Parenting & Relationships, Self-Help, Nonfiction

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Book Description

$2.99

The 13th book from highly controversial author Jeremiah Dotson. The Last Relationship Book You Will Ever Need gives you an uncensored look at deception and game play in relationships. Covered topics include why people do not get married, the influence of society and how it affects relationships and the prevalence of infidelity.

Sample Chapter

Why Relationships Continue To Fail

In my opinion, one of the most profound sayings in this world, is the one that goes ‘those who do not learn from the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them.’ The reason I believe this saying to be so profound is because it is one of the truest things, which can be said. This is true for life in general and especially true for relationships. In regard to relationships, one of the oldest reasons for failure is still one of the most prevalent. And that is the basic rule of communicating effectively to the significant other. You have to talk to the person you are in the relationship with. This part, I know all of you know. But the part you might not know is how. There are two different types of talking and I am not referring to the verbal / non verbal thing. I am speaking of the general, generic conversations and the what really bothers you about the significant other. Now aside from everything else mentioned in this publication, from lack of respect, all the way to lack of trust, the most basic form of unhappiness still seems to be that of not being able to talk to the one you are involved with in a relationship. Now here’s the strange thing about non communication: when in a relationship, people can still have sex, without communication. People can still have get togethers with friends and family, without communication. People can still even raise their kids in the same household and not have that decent, necessary communication. But the bottom line is that with all a couple can and will have, minus the above stated things and more, the one thing, which is guaranteed to be missing is being happy. Too many relationships fail because of the initial deception perpetrated to get into the relationship. The ole long term venture with the short term mindset thing is definitely a factor. What people do is either have it in their minds that the relationship they get into is going to last forever or until one of them dies – or the relationship they get into is going to last until it doesn’t period. Not both. The problem, all too often is that people with these two opposing thought processes continue to become involved with one another and continue to wonder why their relationships have problems or fail. You see, the one simple thing that individuals in relationships have to do to keep the relationship going is to work together to keep it going. When one person works to keep it going and the other is just like whatever, the relationship may last but there will be a great amount of strain on one party. This is the equivalent of a tug of war. Both parties are pulling in the opposite direction and we all know what’s eventually going to happen. One will lose. Many in relationships do not understand this. What they do is say ‘he or she doesn’t talk to me anymore, they just sit around and watch tv or stay to themselves.’ And the other accepts this. That’s the crazy part. When the relationship began, almost nobody sat around disrespecting the significant other. Nobody walked around the house not speaking to or interacting with the significant other but magically and mysteriously, the relationship has reached a point where it is perfectly okay. Does anybody else see something wrong with this equation? A relationship, as we all know or should know, is a continuous effort. The very minute, the very second in fact, when one of the parties in the relationship stops working toward making the relationship happy, the other should stop and attempt to figure out why. You see, you can’t just say ‘oh he or she will get over whatever is going on in their life’ and this is because sometimes he or she may not. He or she may be miserable and you could, rather should be the one thing to pull them out of that pit of misery. If you don’t, the significant other could very well be miserable for the rest of his or her life. And number one, they could blame you for not helping them out of their despair, and two, you could develop such a resistance to it that you could become comfortable not speaking to or interacting with the other for years. When people in relationships say ‘I don't feel like being bothered’ you have to be the one to take the stance and say ‘I’m not going to let you feel like not being bothered. It is my job to bother you.’ That’s what a relationship is. If they ever get to a point where they can honestly say they don't want you to help them with whatever it is they are going through, then the point has been reached when they no longer value you. You should then ask yourself, if the person you have given your life to, does not need you, why are you in his or her life? What almost everybody in a relationship knows but conveniently forgets every so often is that a relationship is so much more than the physical act of being in a relationship. Many more people don’t understand this. These people confuse the longevity aspect with the love aspect and feel that the longer you are with somebody, the more you love and care for this person. And sometimes people outside of a relationship will use that incorrect knowledge to pressure those in the relationship to stay together. They use their twisted reasoning to say things like you’ve been together this long, why would you want to leave? Some people feel that because they are in a relationship with somebody and they say ‘you know what, fuck you its over!’ That it is actually over in the mind of the significant other. This is how you have those misunderstood situations of infidelity. This is how you have one person saying its over, then going out and trying to find a new relationship while the other is sitting at home mad thinking that the other is sitting home mad too and just needs time to cool off. A relationship is a work in progress. It is a continuing effort. It is the journey, not the destination. The confusing thing about relationships is that an individual in a relationship may stop the journey, may stop working on progression, may stop the continuing effort but still remain in the relationship. This is confusing because the people who observe this will more than likely never know. And this extends from the significant other to those outside the relationship.

Another reason relationships will continue to fail is because people in them never live up to the expectations of the other. Now everybody knows that there are and will be expectations but meeting those sometimes beyond astronomical pieces of criteria, are one of the things keeping many people lonely. People have expectations, which go from one end of the life spectrum to the other. They have expectations regarding sex, as in we have to do it this many times a day and this many times a week, all the way to when we do it, the performance must be on the level of this porn star or that porn star. People have expectations regarding children and the appropriate way they should be raised by both parents, from dads should be doing manly things like playing sports and teaching the male children how to fix the car, to women having the expectation that they should be doing only woman things, like teaching the female children how to cook, clean and basically be subservient to or take care of the man. There are even expectations regarding finances and this seems to be one of the biggest detriment causing issues in relationships today. You see, many people are under the impression that not couples supporting each other, but men supporting the women financially, is the main expectation in a relationship. This expectation has gotten so out of hand that relationships are initiated many times on that fact alone and not only that, relationships are ended because people are not able to meet the expectation, which was set forth many times before the relationship was even initiated. This point cannot be stated enough: people already have an idea of what the significant other is supposed to do, be and accomplish in his or her life, and within the relationship, even before the relationship is underway. The problem with this expectation is that more times than not, the people with these expectations will never relay that information to the significant other. In addition to individuals not relaying the message of what they want, need and expect from the significant other, the big problem is that these individuals will never help the significant other achieve what the other is lacking. If the significant other has a less than lucrative job, the other will leave instead of encouraging the other to go back to school and better his or her financial situation. The other will ridicule and berate the first on what little money is made as opposed to helping the first get a better or second source of income. If it is a sex thing, people nine times out of ten will not even discuss that. They will more than likely continue to pretend that they are enjoying the act until something better comes along. And as we all know, this is mainly done for the other benefits the relationship provides. The other big problem with the relationship expectation is that besides it being all gender related, it is most of the time wrong. Too many women are out here thinking that all a man wants to do is play video games, watch sports and fuck. And too many men are out here thinking that all women want to do is look pretty, take money from men and fuck. You see, this thinking will unfairly compartmentalize people into categories, which they may never escape. And because of the type of classification they are placed into, they may never be respected or thought of as being able to do anything else. This is why women talk to women about certain things and vice versa. You see if people, both men and women thought and actually believed that relationships were not just for as long as they are going good, but forever, then they would get to know everything there is to know about the one they are involved with. But see, people don’t do this. People do not trust the ones they are involved in a relationship with. They do not give them the respect for being able to understand everything that they may be going through. They do not feel comfortable enough to divulge everything they have experienced in their lives – but yet and still they wanna become involved in relationships. You see, this is part of the deception that people in relationships perpetrate against one another all the time. Now what should be understood is that there will be some things that people will never be comfortable talking about. The way this fucked up world is, so many people suffer traumatic experiences and abuses from the time they are very young and many of these people do not have the proper outlet to discuss or release the memories or feelings surrounding the event. These people could carry the pain around within themselves for years and suppress it so well that no one would ever even think to ask. But you see, no matter how well certain experiences are suppressed, they will resurface in one form or other and cause some type of detriment in the relationship. You see many times people will get involved with these people and think that the other is just crazy but they will have no idea where their interpretation of crazy stems from. They will just focus on how an individual may be acting at the time and respond accordingly. In regard to the above, If every man said and thought I want one woman to give every aspect of my existence to from the time I meet her, until the time I die, and every woman did the same, there would never be an instance of infidelity again. But as stated above, far too often the people in relationships do not trust one another. Hell, many times they do not even trust themselves. In my opinion a relationship is 50% getting to know somebody as completely as you can. And the other 50% is allowing them to do the same.

Another common reason relationships fail is because people are not taught how to handle the level of unhappiness they experience in a productive manner. For instance, some people will experience an extreme level of adversity or extreme in their mind, and over react, say to the point of throwing the significant other out of the home. And this is done not because the significant other desires for the relationship to be over but because the significant other desires that oh so elusive peace of mind. The significant other wants for whatever unhappiness he or she is experiencing to stop – quickly. The most common way for this to happen is for them to be separated. The bad thing about this is that sooner or later the significant other is going to calm down. He or she is going to regret the decision, which was made to evict the other from his or her place of residence. The real bad thing about this is that while one has flung the significant other out of the house, that significant other is thinking or feeling that he or she has flung him or her out of their life – and not only that, he or she will begin to act accordingly. In other words, if you throw me out, for whatever reason, I may come back but the memory of you throwing me out will remain for quite possibly, the rest of my days – and not only that. The memory may resurface to the front of my consciousness at any time and make me start feeling or acting some type of way toward you because of that fact.

Contingency Based Goodness

A common relationship way of life is the ‘don’t make me stop doing what I’m doing, if you’re not going to stop doing what you are doing’ thing. What this commonly means is that the individuals involved in the relationship are whores and their whore stoppage is contingent upon the whore stoppage of the individual they are involved in the relationship with or about to become involved in a relationship with. Now don’t take offense if this applies to any of you reading. People say because they hate labels, that they are just living life or what has been commonly relayed to me, ‘I’m doing me.’ Okay, here’s the thing: if you are sleeping around, even if it is with the intent to find Mr. or Miss Right, you are a whore because that’s what whores do. Good girls don’t sleep around and neither do good guys. Now please understand, I’m not judging by any means, for heaven’s sake, I used to do it. (A lot) But I am just calling a spade a spade. Now the thought process of these people AKA whores usually resembles ‘when I get into a relationship I will be ‘good.’ In other words ‘I will be faithful. I will go cold turkey in regard to my previous activities of sleeping with any and everybody I want to.’ Now the thing about this cold turkey promise or intention is that as honorable as it may seem at the time, few people in this world are actually capable of accomplishing it. And one of the biggest beliefs about this belief is the one, which states that if one individual in the relationship can go cold turkey in regard to sleeping with other random individuals, then the other individual in the relationship should be able to as well. In addition to that fact, so many people are basing their decision to be ‘good’ on how ‘good’ the other partner is to them. This is why so many relationships fail. People cannot be ‘good’ with stipulations. Either you are a good individual or you are not. People cannot say ‘as long as you don’t cheat on me, I won’t cheat on you’ and the reason why is because that type of thinking basically leaves a person on the verge of committing an indiscretion right up until the other commits an indiscretion of his or her own. You see these people are giving the significant others all of the power in the relationship. They are doing so by responding to what they do and using that response as guidelines for how their own life should go. They are not saying ‘I should be good because it’s the right thing to do.’ They are saying ‘I’m only going to be good if you are.’ My question is this: how can you make anyone else in this world responsible for your level of good or bad? If you want to be a whore, as what the above behavior clearly dictates, then claim it! Say it loud, say it proud, ‘I’m a whore! And I don’t need anyone else to take accountability for me or my actions.’ But you see the problem is that people know the difference between right and wrong. They know that sleeping around is frowned on, whether you are in a relationship or not. But see they just want to have somebody else to place the blame on when things go wrong. They want to be able to say ‘I was faithful to you and you fucked up! You brought me to this point! You made me cheat!’ Now granted, if an individual in a relationship cheats and gets caught by the significant other, yes, you can obviously say that he or she fucked up. But here’s the thing: nobody can make you pull your dick out and stick it into another woman. And on the opposite end of the spectrum nobody can make you allow a dick to be stuffed into you either, except yourself. These decisions are made on your own. Lack of morals, lack of proper home training and lack of control are definitely contributing factors but the bottom line is that the decision is yours and yours alone. As stated before people cannot or do not want to accept responsibility for their actions so they figure ‘I’ll just blame the relationship, or the other party.’ And this is why as soon as one individual in a relationship cheats, the most thought of option for either relationship correction or happiness within themselves, is to cheat on that no good bastard or bitch as revenge. A good rule of thumb for how you should act in relationships is this: if you cannot do what you did before the relationship, after the relationship commences, then you should not be doing it at all. In other words, if you cannot sleep with two, three or seven guys after you become committed, then you should not do it before you begin to think about being committed. One reason is because people will see you and not only that, they will remember and will eventually bring that up to either you or the one you are planning a future with. Another reason is because it will be that much harder to rid yourself of the two, three or seven person mindset once you become involved. As stated above, everybody can have good intentions on going cold turkey when it comes to forgetting their whorish past but not everybody is capable – especially when things get difficult. What people have to start realizing is that when in a relationship, their actions are no longer for them. They have to live for another individual. When you are alone, you can burp as loud as you want but when you get involved, the significant other may expect you to stop. When you are alone you can curse and be as abrasive as you desire but when you become involved, the man you are with may say that’s not ladylike. This rule of thumb further dictates that you should think first for the actual or potential significant other and how your actions may or will affect them before you do those actions, especially infidelity.

This point cannot be stated enough: relationships contain deception. The amount will be great or it will be miniscule but relationships contain some form of deceit. Either there is deception perpetrated against the parties involved in the relationship or there is deception perpetrated against society by those in the relationship. When it comes to the deception perpetrated by those in relationships toward each other, the standard operating procedure is as follows: It is not so much I am in this relationship because I love this man or woman, as much as it is I need this man or woman. Necessity, in case any of you are unaware, will always win out over love. The problem with this is that the idea behind necessity is need. I need you. The problem with that is that most people interpret need as use. So on the one hand you have people not wanting to give all of themselves because they think that the others are doing nothing but using them. On the other hand, you have people who are just using the others, doing so under the guise of love. So when people go into a relationship half heartedly, it can many times be understood. Some of these people are doing little more than protecting their hearts. Now it is often suggested that when involving one’s self in a new relationship, an individual should protect his or her heart at all times but the thing that almost everybody in a new relationship wants is for the other to give his or her heart completely to them. See the problem? If you give all of your heart to somebody you don’t know, you open yourself up to being vulnerable. If you don’t completely open up or give yourself to the one you are in a relationship with, he or she will more than likely believe that you are being deceptive by hiding something. So what’s a person to do? You see, this is why relationships are considered games. You have to divulge only so much to the person you decide to give your life to. Knowledge of one’s life is many times given on a need to know basis. In other words, if I think you need to know this about me, I will let you know. Not a fair exchange if you ask me. But here’s the thing about that: many times, the way an individual acts is directly due to events in an individual’s past. And if a person does not know or understand the past of the individual he or she is in a relationship with, it will be exceptionally difficult to understand the present or the future. You see this goes back to complete trust and getting to know. When you get to know all you can about somebody and you trust them completely then you can divulge everything about yourself. The only problem with this: you will never know anybody completely. The most you can ever hope to know about somebody is a good portion. If people knew everything about the significant other, then they would never have to worry about the significant other one day flipping out and trying to kill them. If they knew everything about the significant other, then they would never have to worry about making the other mad because they would already know what not to do. But you see, getting to know an individual is a lifelong process. Nobody in any relationship can say that he or she knows everything about the husband or wife. The more you know however, the better chance you will have at the relationship lasting more than just a few months or years. Parents can have a child for twenty years and still not know everything about that child, although many of them disillusion themselves into thinking that they do. So how can you reasonably expect that after a certain amount of time, you will know everything about the person you are sleeping with? When people need you, they will do whatever it takes to get and keep you. The problem with this is that this philosophy is exactly the same as love. If I love you, then I will do whatever it takes to keep you. See the similarity? Now people are quick to say that when it comes to deception, they can easily weed out that deception because they can feel true love. They can feel it in their hearts. But see, this is why deception is so prevalent and powerful. It is the same feeling an individual gets when he or she is deep in the stronghold of love. When you think with your head while in a relationship, people will get confused by your actions. Often they will call you stubborn and they will think that you are being unnecessarily difficult because your actions are based on logic as opposed to emotion. People expect that when you are in love, you will do what everybody else who is in love, has done or will do as well. People expect that you will get married because you are in love. Then they will expect you to have kids because you are in love. Then they will continue to expect you to go through a certain protocol because this is what people in love do. But if you say you are in love and you don’t get married, then it becomes ‘he’s playing you for a fool’ or ‘she doesn’t love you.’ Then it becomes if you’re married for a few years and you don’t have kids, something is wrong with one or both of you or there is turmoil in the relationship. People don’t stop to think that maybe earning and saving enough money before you make a life altering decision like having kids is the smart thing to do. They think that because you don’t follow a certain society imposed protocol, then your life is not as happy as it could or should be.

Continues...

Excerpted from "The Last Relationship Book You Will Ever Need" by Jeremiah Dotson. Copyright © 2016 by Jeremiah Dotson. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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