I pick up a muscle mag, I start to laugh and I wipe my arse with it – it's a joke and a big con, and they call me a CRIMINAL! All this crap about high-protein drinks, pills, diets, it's just a load of bollocks and a multi-million-pound racket. Steroids ... who needs them? Why, what purpose?
Why buy a £300 pair of running shoes? They won't increase your strength, you're being mugged off big time, so why can't you see it? But who am I to say all of this, what proof have I got in what I say ... Well, read on and you'll see for yourself and save yourself a lot of money. Once you've read my fitness routine you'll never be ripped off again. For the first time in my life I'm going to share with you the secrets of my Solitary Fitness workouts that are now legendary throughout the penal system.
What do you want? How do you want to achieve it? How far are you determined to get it, coz nothing comes from nothing. To get a body how you want it takes a lot of hard work and when you get it you have to work at maintaining it! But you will enjoy that part. So search, decide and work at it! Don't overstep your goal coz, I'll tell you now, the Arnies of the world really are pumped-up freaks! Sorry, Arnie, but basically that's all you are. It's not only unnatural, it's bloody ridiculous. You guys are never happy: if you've 20-inch biceps, you then want 21-inch – it all becomes very silly!
As I keep telling people, it's your heart that counts, so look after the ticker ... Make staying alive your sole aim. Strip off, look in the mirror – what needs to be worked on? Concentrate on what you see and then make it your business to change it. Within a month on my programme you'll see a real difference, big time! You'll look and feel 100 times better. You don't need a gym or weights, or expensive bikes and rowing machines – it's all a joke! Stop throwing your money away on objects you don't need.
Look back in time at some of the great strong men – to mention one, 'Eugene Sandown' ... well, did he abuse his body?
Being in solitary I am denied access to a gym and not allowed to mix, so I am on my own at all times. I get one hour out of my cell (or cage depending on which prison I'm in) a day to exercise out on the yard, which is a cage 20 x 30ft long! This is my arena; I am the Gladiator! I work out under the sky in the rain, snow, wind and sun in all weathers, six days of every week (religiously) and my routine works: I am a strong and powerful man. On rare occasions when I'm allowed out on the yard with fellow cons, I pick them up. I use them as human weights (of course, with their permission, unless it's a governor). I also get them up on my back and run with them, two at a time. I squat with them, I bench press them – 'bench press' for you novices means lying on your back and pushing a weight from your chest upwards! So I am strong, do not doubt it. My strength is legendary – I once picked up a prison governor and ran with him.
In my hour in the cage under the sky I will do press-ups, squats, stretching, sit-ups, bunny hops, star jumps and I will jog around in between. I do all this to get my heart pumping and I also time every workout, but the most important part of the workout is to enjoy what you do. I laugh a lot. I love it, it's my life! I'm a max-secure inmate. Cameras and guards constantly monitor me. I am 54 years of age, remember, and I am as fast now as I was at 30 years of age. I am 5ft 10 ½in tall and weigh in at 230 pounds of solid muscle. If I hit you, I'll deform your looks. I can hit a man 20 times in four seconds! I can push 132 press-ups in 60 seconds – can Arnie do the same?
DON'T DO AS I DO, DO AS I SAY!
Right, a lot of the so-called professionals of the fitness game are gonna tell you my regime is based on multi-thousands of press-ups and sit-ups per day, and that this book is gonna be based on that ... bollocks! Those armchair critics couldn't push out one, never mind ten push-ups; they just want you to keep them company ... If people like this are holding you back, they're not your friends. Get rid of them coz they're negative, what I call lemons! Look, even the England manager has his footballers doing basic exercises. I bet you don't get Beckham telling his gaffer he don't want to push out ten burpees coz it would spoil his hairdo!
In order to meet the stages in this book, you'll have to faithfully follow my directions. Some of the seasoned athletes among you are going to push on and start at page 100 or wherever ... Ha, ha! That's no use, as this book is structured in a way that you cannot just go through it page by page. You and they would feel uncomfortable doing so; your body needs acclimatising to my altitude before I can take you to those heights, so be warned!
My workout (not yours at this stage) really starts from the time I get out of bed; I bury my head deep in a bowl full of cold water, then I'll blow out a quick 100 press-ups just to get the heart pumping. Being in solitary I have to keep my mind active so I will pace up and down my cell and every minute I drop and I do 50 press-ups and then jot it down on a piece of paper. You will be amazed how it adds up. Some days I will push 3,000–6,000 press-ups. It sounds inhuman, amazing, but remember, it's killing time for me; it's my buzz! Another day, I will do sit-ups and then squats, and so on. Obviously, you on the outside don't have the time I've got, so you will have to work out a routine of when best to do it, and where to do it, if you wish to follow exactly as I do, but not yet! I'd say do it in the garden. Get a nice mat and you can walk up and down the garden and drop every so often to do your workout as I do in my cell. When I'm bored I will do some shadow boxing for speed and reflexes. I will skip and jog on the spot, I will do some dynamics. I use a towel for this: I just pull at it behind my back and in front; you can feel it pulling at your muscles, stretching – it's a good way of building up. But not yet ...
Sundays, I relax ... do nothing. Then on Monday I am raring to go. When I was up in Hull Jail I had access to a gym for the first time in years. I walked in and put 120kg (2.2lb = 1kg) on the bar – an Olympic bar – and bench pressed it ten times! An Olympic bar weighs 10kg, so the total was 130kg. So what does that tell you? My way keeps you strong, fit as well. The cons had been in the gym for years and years, and even they could not do it. I had just blown away all the fitness magazines and manuals, and I do it all on porridge!
DO IT MY WAY
My way makes a mockery of the fitness world as I do it on the basics. I don't want pills or silly drinks or steroids! Sure, I miss the steaks, but even so I don't need it, so why do you? Why do I need a £300 pair of shoes or a £10 sweatband to look good? My sweat drips in my eyes and down my body, but it's pure sweat, good honest sweat. I want to feel the rewards of my workouts drip down my brow. How many films have featured Bruce Willis wearing a vest, dripping gallons of sweat from his brow ... what if he wore a pretty pink-coloured sweatband around his head?
My heart is in good shape. Is Arnie's? He needed an open-heart operation! They say his condition was hereditary. Let me ask you one question and think before you answer: would you sooner look like Daley Thompson or Arnie? Myself, I'd pick Daley all the time, a natural all-rounder, a fit and fast man I admire. Any of the old-timers will recall a guy by the name of Charles Atlas. Did he do weights! In the 1930s he won a court case when he was accused of pumping iron. The only reason he pumped iron twice a week was to test his strength ... nothing wrong with doing that. That Rambo geezer, he's a superb body on him. You can't knock the man, but can you knock me? I do it all from a hole in the ground on the total basics of life with no sweetness. Thirty years I've survived a war and I'm still on top. I've been to hell and back, and lived in the belly of the beast.
STOP BEING RIPPED OFF!
Fitness and strength come from within. You don't get it out of bottles, the ends of syringes or from the insides of nicely put-together packages. Work out what you will save in a year doing it my way: gym fees, pills, protein drinks, steroids, creams, outfits and equipment? Now get real!
YOUR BODY IS A MACHINE
I see the human body as a machine. Feed it, look after it, clean it inside and out ... Most of all, believe in it and it will respond every time. But like a machine it has an engine and, if you abuse it and push it too hard, you'll blow it up – 'BANG!' To me, that's logical. I can't see the point in steroids and pills coz in the end it's the heart that suffers. Lose the heart and you lose the centre of the machine, it's over!
Once you get to the peak of fitness and strength, it's your duty to maintain it. But don't maintain it with moans and groans; do it with pride and respect! You have to enjoy what you do, otherwise why do it? We can all be fat, lazy bastards, it's our choice! I'm sick of hearing and reading about excuses: if you stuff your face with shit, you become shit – that's logical to me! Eat and drink in moderation, but if you're like me you can eat what you like in moderation, how much you like and turn it into power, muscle and energy. In my book, there's no excuse, unless it's a serious medical problem you've got. And then that's just bad luck; it can't be helped.
I can't really help or advise on a medical problem as I'm not qualified. I can only say, 'Try.' If you're crippled and can't use your legs, then use your arms instead; find a way. If I lost my arms and legs, I'd learn to use my teeth. I do feel for cripples, I really do. Hey, I've seen some of these guys and girls in sports and they are wicked! Have you seen them in the wheelchairs racing around, doing marathons? With one of them chairs you wouldn't need a getaway car! They put a lot of able-bodied people to shame, that I love to see! Respect!
A lady friend of mine is paralysed from the mid-section down but she recently did a sky dive! Magic or what?
PICK UP YOUR EQUIPMENT AND THROW IT AWAY
My fitness programme is unique as I do it alone and I don't use equipment – I'm not allowed to. I'm in solitary confinement, locked up in a room 12 x 8ft. This is my life! I could make excuses, I could say, 'Err, not today.' I've no gym, I've no equipment, I've nobody to push me, I've got no PT kit, etc., but I don't live by excuses. I do what I do best: stay alive and survive, and if I can do it in my barbaric conditions why can't you do it out there? You just don't have an excuse! You can do it in a park or in your garden (if you're the shy type you can do it in your bedroom). Let me tell you now, you don't need a gym, or weights; you don't need pills or steroids or high-protein drinks. Just how much money in a year do you throw away at your health farms and leisure centres? Add it all up!
Can't you see that they're all laughing at you? You're paying good money for people to say, 'Oh, you're a bit fat, do this,' 'Do it this way' and 'Don't eat that, eat this.' You're like a naughty school kid, your teachers are laughing at you! Well, it's time I blew a big hole in the fitness world, it's time you got the TRUE FACTS from a man who's proven his way works, and shall I tell you what it costs? Next to nothing! I'm not out to rip you off or laugh at you; I'm here to prove once and for all that fitness is all in your head.
BRAINWASHED OR NOT, I'LL GET YOU THROUGH IT!
You're brainwashed by TV showing films of unreal people, muscle mags with images of muscle-laden wooden edifices, magazines full of waifs, or you see a supermodel who's anorexic and suddenly you're the one who's fat and out of shape. Hey, don't get me wrong, I've seen a lot of good fitness mags out there ... but not the ones showing steroid freaks on the front covers! Look at people like Steve Redgrave, that rower geezer ... he'll live forever, while you muscle freaks will die from a broken heart, literally!
There's also too much emphasis on kids to look good in their branded sportswear, but how many actually do sports? Parents are partly to blame for how their kids develop eating disorders. I mean, it's only in recent times that anorexia and bulimia became so widespread. Look at Ian Brady ... he'd been on hunger strike for who knows how long, they fed him through a tube and yet the evil bastard still lived on! There are newspapers with adverts telling you that to live longer you need to take this new and expensive supplement. Remember the big rip-off when adverts were promoting an evil-tasting tea that supposedly made you slim? It was supposed to make you skinny as a rake, ha, ha ... Who were the silly people buying this muck, eh?
You see a photo of big Arnie and you're like a programmed zombie, you aim for it. Ninety per cent of you will never become that way as your body structure, gene make-up and bone design will not allow it, but why want to be like him? Why not be fit, fast and very alert? Why not live a better life, breathe better and easier, and feel good? To feel good, you need to look good
FAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY SMELL: THEY FART A LOT
Fat people actually smell: they fart a lot, they're unhealthy and they're sluggish. Look, I'm not gonna mess with you, fat people have got to want to change. If you're one of them, start making that change right now ... not tomorrow! Go to your food cupboard and fridge. Be brave, throw all what you know is useless in the bin or give it to a poor neighbour who ain't got the likes of what you're about to chuck out. You've probably got enough fat on your body to keep you alive for a month!
If you're fat, then it's a fact, I'm not gonna pretend. You're sluggish, you're lazy and you're a joke! In the same way as the muscle-bound Arnies of this world have strained and bad hearts, you're just as unnatural and your heart is strained to the limit, especially like the steroid freak. The fat on your gut is actually pulling at your heart and straining it. Get real – face up to life! It's the 21st century and what a way to start the Bronco workouts! Give my workout a try for one month. I know it will work for you, but I say this to you, don't even start if you don't believe in it. All I ask of you is that you enjoy it, so start now. Eat up your porridge! Hell, I've eaten more than the Three Bears! But, before you start, I want you to decide on something: do you really want to complete this exercise regime? If you want to change your life I would ask you to make a commitment to yourself, a big commitment.
No doubt you've flicked through this book while standing in the bookshop. You've probably thought to yourself that it's full of crap, but you still bought it ... Why? I'll tell you why ... coz if you hadn't bought this book then you'd be in the queue waiting to buy some of that evil herbal tea. Yuck! At least you don't have to eat this book.
SO, WAS IT WORTH BUYING?
You've probably stood there debating whether the price of this book was worth it and toying with the idea of buying it. Well, now you have so you've either got to go through with it or you might as well just send some money to Zoë's Place Baby Hospice in West Derby, Liverpool, England. Rest your lazy arse coz going to the bookshop was the most exercise you're gonna get for a long while! You've probably got a bedroom with an exercise bike that's being used as an extra clothes hanger with clothes on it that are too small for you because you've become fat and lazy. Well, now is the time to get your arse into gear, so come on!
If you're convinced you can see it through then I promise to make a new you, a more confident you, a sharper-minded you and fill you with a new spring in your step. How many times have you promised yourself a new you? You've tried all them horrible liquid meals, you've been kicked out of diet clubs for breaking the scales and you've been kicked out of aerobics class coz you were starting to make dents in the new shiny wooden floor. Or maybe you haven't got the confidence to join a gym, so now's your chance to go it alone. This is gonna be your fitness Bible, the biggest thing in your life, as big as the rebirth of Jesus! But this book is not a floor show for you to ogle: it's 40 years of a world of fitness, 30 years of perfection, even the diet will prove what I say. Believe in it, don't doubt it, you have to have faith in yourself too.