Frisky Fairy Tales I (Volume 1)

Frisky Fairy Tales I (Volume 1)

by Mr. Clyde Roger Hedges

ISBN: 9781477584958

Publisher CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Published in Literature & Fiction/Mythology & Folk Tales, Humor & Entertainment

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Book Description

A light hearted retellinf of the fairy tale classics with an adult tinge and gentle sarcasm. Light hearted laughs at the ridiculous circumstances these fantasy characters get themselves into. No one is completely innocent in "Frisky Fairy Tales I."

Sample Chapter



Once in the land of the free and the great in a very remote city on a very high mountain top there lived a beautiful young girl, her three step sisters, step mother, and alcoholic father. Cinder Sweetie was the little girl, and a more beautiful girl you would never want to see. She had long ringlet curls of shiny blonde hair and blue eyes that twinkled like a sunbeam. Some people suggested that she model for a national bakery, but Cinder Sweetie’s step mother had bigger ideas for her.

“This little babe is going to be our ticket out off this mountain,” she told her fat daughters. “Some day a prince will come and marry her, and we'll trail on her gown train. If that doesn’t work, I’ll peddle her to talent scouts.”

“But, Mom, she doesn’t have any talent,” Renalda, her fattest daughter pointed out. “She looks good, and she’s got a great figure, but no talent or brains.”

“Be quiet, Renalda,” Step Mother Alice told her. “You’re just jealous because of your weight problem.”

And there was a lot of truth to what Alice told Renalda, but her second daughter, Barbara, who was almost as rotund as Renalda, piped in. “When I was younger, I had the best figure in the family. I was pretty and I ate a lot of salads. Maybe I’ll marry the prince.”

“Not a chance, Barb,” Alice told her. “Your best days are long behind you. If you ever want to move to the land of talent scouts, then Cinder Baby is your best chance, and if the prince and talent scouts don’t want her, then I’ll get her a modeling job. One way or the other, we’re moving.” 

“What is it, mother, you dislike so much about our mountain?” Delores, the oldest and slimmest of the three step sisters asked.

“The long hard winters, Delores. The cold gets into my bones,” Alice replied.

So against their wills, the three step-sisters waited upon Cinder Sweetie, and watched out for her so that no harm could befall her, especially lusty boy friends that abound in all towns whether they are on mountains or not. And that was hard for them to do because they were young budding women themselves and they wanted to get out and meet boys and enjoy their own youth.

It didn’t matter that they couldn’t squeeze into a size twenty, and that Macy’s basement was hard pressed to find shoes large enough for them. Still, their hormones stirred, and they wanted a little fun.

It also didn’t matter that Cinder Sweetie was already a spoiled brat who was well aware of her looks. Any boy on the block she could wrap around her little pinky, and when dad was sober, she was the apple of his eye. She would have been the apple of his eye when he imbibed, but it’s hard to appreciate someone when you’re passed out on the living room couch.

So, spring passed and the three fat sisters waited on Cinder Sweetie and took her orders, and cooked for her, and cleaned for her, and endured her constant complaints. It grew so bad that on Friday nights, they weren’t allowed to go out, and how is a growing girl supposed to meet the local yokels if they have to stay at home and take care of Cinder Sweetie?

“Mom," Barbara, the most vocal of the three said one day, “why do we have to stay home on the weekends when Cinder is out every Friday and Saturday night?”

“If you’d watch your carbs, Barb, maybe you’d have a few dates too,” Mom pointed out to her.

Barb fumed and fussed but said nothing. Mom had really changed since she married the lush and saw the money in peddling Cinder Sweetie's looks. Before, she was always ready to treat at the Dairy Queen or the bakery thrift stores.

Oh, how Barb loved those chocolate covered doughnuts that were a few days old. Most people liked the fresh, but not Barbie. She wanted her doughnuts half price and a touch stale. She shrugged her shoulders in anticipation of dunking one in her morning coffee, but her dreams were not to be realized.

“Barbie,” Cinder Sweetie’s loud piercing voice yelled from her upstairs bedroom. “Come up here.”

She might have look like an angel, but Cinder had one heck of a pair of tonsils. I mean that girl could yell with the best of them. She could have done very well as a Marine Corp drill instructor.       

“Maybe,” Barbie thought, “she could become a rock star and start belting them out at concerts. That would be the ticket. Mom would rake in her millions and she could go back to the good old days of stale doughnuts and coffee. Again she shuddered as she mounted the stairs to Cinder’s room.

Barb found her lying on her bed, her petite little fingers dipped in dish washing detergent to give them a glow when she interviewed tomorrow. A top child’s modeling job was up for grabs, and Mom meant to land that sucker. Twenty-five thousand for a five day shoot, and the promise of bigger bucks to follow.

“Sorry to bother you, Barbie, dear, but my nose itches,” Cinder said. She squinted at Barbie and pushed her nose forward for a good scratching. “You shouldn’t leave me alone when I’m soaking my hands. You know how much I need you when I soak.”

Barbie saw doom written all over her step-sister’s upturned nose. Was this to be her lot in life, catering to the blonde princess’s every whim and desire while her own life ballooned into a circus side show act?

Things weren’t any better for Renalda and Delores. They had to sweep the cinders from the fireplace and tidy the living room and take snacks to Cinder whenever she desired them. (Low calorie snacks, and momma kept Cinder on a strict exercise regimen too.)

All her step sisters heard from Cinder was do this or that. Whatever she wanted was the password of the house. The sisters even took turns sleeping at the foot of her bed, just to be there if she needed them at night.

And in the end, it paid off, for Cinder won the modeling contract, and the big bucks began to roll in. A thousand for working the cosmetics display of a large downtown department store, another thousand for a guest shot on a local television station, and even more when a nationally syndicated television hostess asked her to appear.

So many offers came pouring in that mom considered hiring a secretary, but decided not to and assigned those new duties to Renalda, Barb, and Delores. Now their plight was even worse, and they got nothing for it. The best pieces of beef were for Cinder, the new clothes for Cinder, and all the deserts were what Cinder wanted. Barb hadn't had a stale doughnut in months, and she had no money to buy any.

Then, one morning, two movie producers called and asked her to make a screen test while a national bakery decided that Cinder would be the perfect model for their products. Every loaf sold, she’d get a half cent, and over a day’s time that amounted to a tidy sum. So much, that Daddy began to drink a better grade of gin, and Momma sprung for three new outfits for Renalda, Barb, and Delores. But no stale doughnuts.

After they looked in the mirror, Renalda, Delores, and Barbie grew even more despondent and resigned themselves to their lives and began to live vicariously through Cinder’s exploits.

 Meanwhile, all was going well with Cinder and momma and dad. Cinder on her way to being the next teenage sensation, another Wilma Wyoming, until Prince Harvey came to town.

For months the papers had been playing his visit up - Crown prince to visit former colony, prince here to make amends, prince wants to improve relations. It was rumored high and low that he was also looking for a bride, and that the lovely damsel who could slide her foot into the royal glass slipper would be his chosen one. (The legendary glass slipper once belonged to Queen Guinevere, whose small delicate feet were the toast of her time.)

Oh, the dilemma mamma sank into. Should she give up a chance for Hollywood and have Cinder marry the prince? After all, his throne was secure and there would be places for all of them in the 203 bedroom palace, and his income was pretty good, but Cinder stood a chance of making even more. Fame and glory was waiting for her, and to be honest, mom had always wanted to be an agent.

Alas a prince and his slipper were worth more than a chance at Hollywood. Momma sent him Cinder’s modeling portfolio. A week later, a royal messenger arrived saying that Prince Harvey would land in the good old USA in a week and that he would drop by two hours after his plane touched the old tarmac.

Momma took charge immediately, as if she never did. For a week , she coached the girls on proper etiquette for royalty and how to serve the snacks they would prepare and how to curtsey properly. Even Daddy agreed to sober up for the big day.

At last the day arrived, and Momma ordered a hot bath with the best and soothing oils for Cinder. All her finery was laid out, and Barbie and Renalda and Delores helped with her hair and applied her makeup and then in the distance they heard the sound of trumpets.

Excerpted from "Frisky Fairy Tales I (Volume 1)" by Mr. Clyde Roger Hedges. Copyright © 2012 by Mr. Clyde Roger Hedges. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Author Profile

Mr. Clyde Roger Hedges

Mr. Clyde Roger Hedges

I was born and raised in Evansville, Indiana. After high school, I entered the army and served from 1965 - 1969. After mustering out, I attended and graduated from Fitchburg State Teachers College and received a degree in secondary education with an emphasis in history and English. My wife and daughters and I eventually settled in Las Vegas, Nevada and taught there until retiring in 2000. Now we live in Reno, Nevada near our daughter Kelly and grandson Carrick and our son-in-law, John, who is not the black sheep of the family. Our daughter Stacy lives and teaches in the Boston area. I've writeen fourteen novels and two collections of short stories. I'm only now beginning to promote my work. Look for more promotions in the future.

View full Profile of Mr. Clyde Roger Hedges

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