Confessions of an Altar Boy

Confessions of an Altar Boy

by Wayne J Martin

ISBN: 9781477587683

Publisher CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Published in Nonfiction

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Book Description

Humorous memoirs of a Catholic school     The antics of a band of students and a flock of nuns collide in this discipline versus mischief story. It is a peek inside the odd mysteries of a parochial school. This is truly a warm story of an earlier time. I hope to open your eyes, your heart and exercise your right to laugh and snicker uncontrollably for that is my only goal.     

Sample Chapter

Spit Balls

I think this started in public school.  There was just something about it that did not feel very Catholic, parochial maybe, risky, most definitely.

Our private school version had an understandable twist to it.  We did not shoot at each other; we had another target.

Because of the nun’s habit, you could actually get a spitball to stay on her hood.  This took an excellent shot for sure.  The distance and the elevation had to be exact.  But this was so-worth-it

Just think! Watching her parade around with your spitballs on her shrouded head like a badge of honor, knowing that everyone in the class knew exactly where they came from, Ahhh.., we lived for such moments.

Unfortunately I sucked at it. Not to mention the telltale pebbles of failure all over the floor.  This required planning.

It took time to master, but where could one practice such a sport as this? I know. I could share with my friend Buddy.  He’d figure a way. We’d practice.  It was pretty disgusting, so we practiced it even more.  A short straw is the weapon of choice because it is easier to hide but the long straw puts a more accurate spin on the ball.

It was sure to become another Olympic sport someday.  Well, maybe not a sport all by itself.   I imagined myself skiing down a slope, stopping, shooting a few spit balls at Sister Zelda’s hood and then continuing on down the hill to victory.  I could see me on the podium with another gold medal for the good old US of A. 

Practice told me that if I waited until she got to the board that I could bounce them off the wall over her head. You need a fairly dry ball, one rolled in your hands with no spit or very little.  It was not as disgusting but there are sacrifices that must be made if you want perfection.  This bounce off the wall deadened the speed and plopped it in place like a bird flying into a clean window. 

One had to be careful though; too low on the wall and it could hit her in the face or in the eye.  You wouldn’t want that to happen.  You might get caught.

I was getting too good for my britches; I should have stopped at five.

“Okay, who did that?”


Did I ever tell you that the person who says, “What, Sister?” is the first suspect.

Excerpted from "Confessions of an Altar Boy" by Wayne J Martin. Copyright © 0 by Wayne J Martin. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Author Profile

Wayne J Martin

Wayne J Martin

Wayne Martin is a published author of both science fiction and humor. Florida Today debuted his humorous works, but this time Wayne has chosen greed and murder as his venue in 'The Wobble'. The Earth is wobbling and an asteroid system is threatening the solar system. There are those that take the opportunity to gain power and money. A young baseball player unlocks an unknown door in physics that science needs to know. Will they attempt to change their fate or accept their Armageddon. Visit his website at

View full Profile of Wayne J Martin

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