The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig (O'Rourke, P. J.)

The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig (O'Rourke, P. J.)

by P. J. O'Rourke

ISBN: 9780871136862

Publisher Atlantic Monthly Press

Published in Crafts, Hobbies & Home/Home Improvement & Design

Are you an AUTHOR? Click here to include your books on

Sample Chapter

Chapter One

Bachelor cooking is a matter of attitude. If you think of it as setting fire to things and making a mess, it's fun. It's not so much fun if you think of it as dinner. Fortunately, baloney, cheeseburgers, beer, and potato-chip dip provide all the daily nutrients bachelors are known to require. I mean, I hope they do. I have several specialties. Instant coffee is one. Simple omelettes are another. My recipe: Add contents of refrigerator to two eggs and cook until everything stops wiggling. A bachelor friend of mine has an interesting variation. Mix last night's Chinese take-out food with your scrambled eggs. (Remove fortune from cookie first.) He calls it Egg Foo Breakfast. I also make a delicious stew. I put meat, beef bouillon, potatoes, celery, carrots, onions, and a splash of red wine into a large pot. When it begins to simmer I go watch football games until all the ingredients boil down to a tarry mass. Then I phone out for pizza or Chinese. * * * How often does a house need to be cleaned, anyway? As a general rule, once every girlfriend. After that she can get to know the real you. * * * To give a woman the impression that your house is clean, use Pledge. Don't use it on anything, just squirt some in the air. This makes it smell as though you've dusted.... Now spill something fresh on the floor because a slippery floor is much more like a clean, waxed floor than a sticky floor is. * * * Every kitchen should be equipped with a dishwasher, preferably a cute one wearing her apron and nothing else. * * * Sheets can be kept clean by getting drunk and falling asleep with your clothes on.


Excerpted from "The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig (O'Rourke, P. J.)" by P. J. O'Rourke. Copyright © 1997 by P. J. O'Rourke. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Thanks for reading!

Join BookDaily now and receive featured titles to sample for free by email.
Reading a book excerpt is the best way to evaluate it before you spend your time or money.

Just enter your email address and password below to get started:


Your email address is safe with us. Privacy policy
By clicking ”Get Started“ you agree to the Terms of Use. All fields are required

Instant Bonus: Get immediate access to a daily updated listing of free ebooks from Amazon when you confirm your account!

Author Profile

Amazon Reviews