BOOK DETAILS

MIZ MAIMIE'S PHILOSOPHY

MIZ MAIMIE'S PHILOSOPHY

by Canela Rose

ASIN: B07BRFD4GW

Publisher Independently published

Published in Literature & Fiction/Humor, Literature & Fiction

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Book Description

“Miz Maimie’s Philosophy” is a unique novel; a compilation of short stories that depict the life of the fictitious character, Maimie; an elderly African-American woman from the South who's known for her unlimited faith in God, and her wisdom, despite the lack of a formal education. She is also notorious for her outrageous sense of humor. This book is written in broken English, as Maimie is notorious for her improper use of the English language, which she, as well as those who know and love her, accept as just part of her charm.

Sample Chapter

1. “INNADUCSHUN”

My name “Maimie”. I ain’t much on givin out my lass name cause noboddie evva calt me by my lass name. Evvaboddie always jess calt me “Maimie” or “Miz Maimie”. Sum foke jess seez me as an ole lady dat don’t talk rite. But dems de fokes dat don’t rilly know de reel me. Guess I ain’t so good at spellin an ritin. So whut? Lotta foke ain’t. But we’z de fokes dat gawt de mos sinse! I wint to cawlej fo a spell, but I didn’t stay der fo reezins I ain’t aimin to minshin. Nevvaless, I still likes to lern bout things and don’t mine teechin othas whut I dun lernt!

I jess luv peeples, an fo sum reezin peeples always come to ole Maimie wid der prubblems. I always lissins an try to hep ‘em. But dey don’t unnastand wer my smawts come frum. Mos times I don’t eether, sep to say I jess b’leeve in usin good commin sinse!

I’se gawt my own pinyuns on jess bout evvathing you can think of. I specks I noze a litta bit bout evvathing, and a hole lot bout nuthin! Sum foke once even calt me a “Filosfer”. Well I reckon das tru ifn dat meen I got nollej bout lotta things. Guess y’all culd say I’se gawt my own filosfee.

2. “MAKIN PIES AND BABIES”

Two things I rilly dun enjoyed doin in my lifetime. I jess luv’d to make a pie, and I jess luv’d makin babies.

Oh de threel I’d git wen I finish cuttin up all dem apples and wash’em an put’em in a bowl wit sum shuga an sum sinmins, an nutmeg, an den I makes me a nice cruss an puts dat pie in de ovin an bake it, an layta I smells it cookin. Ooh wee!

Den at nite wen dem lites finally git turnt out and I feel dat man gittin all cozy up to me, and lissin to him talkin reel sweet to me, it jess make Maimie wanna giv’im sumpin dat make him glad to be a man…an make Maimie glad to be a woman too! (Tee-Hee!)

Now sum foke say I otta be shamed talkin like dat, but I ain’t bit mo shamed. I b’leeves mens and womens wuz made fo eech otha an “luvin” is a pawt of life (a good pawt!) an don’t no man want no woman who ack like she nevva wanna be kist! An ifn you evva heer anybody say dey don’t need no kissin, deys telling a lie!! I always let my man know dat I sho don’t mind no kissin. Don’t mind at all. Maimie done lotsa kissin in her lifetime, and on summa doze cassions, doze kisses led to a little pie bein put in my ovin, and it took me nine monfs to bake dat one! (Tee-Hee!) But ooh wee! When dat little pie come out, I had me de cutess baby boy! Twice in my life I baked dat nine monf pie, and now I got me two hansum boys!

No…dey ain’t babies no mo…Dey ain’t my little pies no mo…

…but sho wuz fun makin ‘em.

3. “DARK-SKINNED MENS”

I dun herd foke say “De blacka de berry de sweeta de joose”. Das whut sum foke say bout luvin a dark-skinned man.

Well sumboddie ast ole Maimie whut she thot bout whut foke say bout dat blacka berry havin de sweeta joose. Lawd whut dey dun ast me dat fo?

Well…I ain’t claimin to be an expurt, but sinse Maimie dun had bof kines, de lite-skinned mens and de dark-skinned mens too, I reckon I can giv a fair pinyun bout de subjek, an it only take three wurds to ansa dis one…

“IT DE TRUF”!!!

4. “A LITTA-BITTA LUVIN”

One time wen I wuz livin down souf, der wuz a ole white lady dat liv crost de feeld. Her name wuz “Miz Doriz”. Miz Doriz wuz a nice ole white lady – even tho she go on talking fo hours wen yooz bizzy an gawt things to do. Miz Doriz had a Mama and a huzbin dat died years ago an she nevva gawt ova it. She always talk bout de past, bout her daid Mama and her daid huzbin.

One day afta lissnin fo hours of dat, I says to Miz Doriz: “Miz Doriz yo po Mama and yo po huzbin is daid an gawn, an I knowz its greevin you reel bad, but you gawt to git back to de bizzness of livin!” But telling her dat didn’t do bit mo good, and evva time you see’s Miz Doriz an ast her how she doin she always, always say “I ain’t doin so well”.

One day an ole boyfrin frum Miz Doriz’s past, stopt by to see her. He wuz drivin a green truck as I recalt. Since she had company, I didn’t botha to call an chek on her like I normly do. De nex morning I gits up an goze out on my frunt potch an look’d crost de feeld an lo and behold I seez dat green truck still sitten der!

Layta dat aftnoon I win outside to chek my cloze on de line to see ifn dey neer dry. Das win I notissed de green truck gawn! Den I look up an seez Miz Doriz walkin up my driveway in a pair of shawts! Lan-sakes alive, I wuz shocked to see dat ole lady wid a pair of legs dat put mines to open shame! I laffs an says “Miz Doriz, ifn I had legs dat look’d like dat, I reckon I culd rool de wurl!” We bof wuz laffin. Den I say: “So Miz Doriz, how you feelin today?” An fo de furst time evva, I heered her say “I feel right good!” I laffs an says “Miz Doriz looks like you dun took my a’vice an gawn back to de bizzness of livin!” (Kinda look’d to me like she also wint back to de bizzness of “luvin” too!)

I shakes my hedd an laffs to myseff wen I watched Miz Doriz walkin back home crost de feeld wid a bit mo pep in her step. I reckon Miz Doriz gawt herseff a bit-a-luvin lass nite.

Well…we all needs it sumtimes. Yung fokes, ole-ass fokes too! Don’t matta how ole you is, you still gawta have a litta-bitta luvin sumtimes!

Continues...

Excerpted from "MIZ MAIMIE'S PHILOSOPHY" by Canela Rose. Copyright © 2018 by Canela Rose. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Author Profile

Canela Rose

Canela Rose

Canela Rose was born and raised on the U.S. East Coast, where she resides with her husband. She is the mother and stepmother to four adult children. Although this is her first published book, she has spent many years doing creative writing; short stories, articles, and poems. It was her wish to become a published author in earlier years, however, life seemed to take her into different directions. Still, despite her varied interests, she has felt her greatest fulfillment in writing.

View full Profile of Canela Rose

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