My Weird School Daze #3: Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet!

My Weird School Daze #3: Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet!

by Dan Gutman

ISBN: 9780061346125

Publisher HarperCollins

Published in Children's Books/Humor, Children's Books/Science, Nature & How It Works

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Sample Chapter

Chapter One

The Boringest Store in the World

My name is A.J. and I hate school.

Do you know which months are the best months of the year? July and August, of course! Because there's no school over the summer.


The only problem is that now it's September.


Bummer after the summer!

School starts tomorrow. So my mom said we had to go to this store called Staples to buy back-to-school supplies. Ugh! Staples is the boringest store in the history of the world. They don't sell video games or toys or any cool stuff. They just sell pens and pencils and ultraboring junk like that.

My mom had a list of things I had to get for third grade. After we found the boring book covers, boring binders, boring colored pencils, and boring glue sticks, I wanted to get a pen with a laser beam in it. Laser beams are cool. I saw this movie where they used a laser beam to kill aliens from outer space. But they don't sell pens like that at Staples.

They do have one cool thing—a copy machine. Copy machines are cool because you can put your head on the glass and make a funny picture of your face. It only costs eight cents! But you have to be sure to close your eyes or you'll go blind.

I stuck my head in the copy machine and closed my eyes. I was reaching for the Start button when I heard the most horrible sound in the history of the world. . . .

"Hi, Arlo!"

Ugh! It was Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair. I hate her. Andrea calls me by my real name because she knows I don't like it.

I took my head off of the copy machine. Andrea was with her mom, who looks just like Andrea but with wrinkles.

"Are you buying back-to-school supplies too, Arlo?" Andrea asked.

"No," I told her. "I'm skydiving."

When somebody asks you a dumb question, you should always give them a dumb answer. That's the first rule of being a kid.

"I would never put my face in a copy machine," said Andrea.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm one of a kind!" Andrea said.

"You should put your face in a paper shredder instead," I suggested.

Andrea rolled her eyes. Why can't a copy machine fall on her head?

My mom and Andrea's mom were talking about the weather. Grown-ups are really interested in weather. Nobody knows why. So I was forced to talk to Andrea.

"Which do you like better, Arlo," Andrea asked, "this notebook with a picture of kittens on it or this one with elephants on it?"

"Do they have a notebook with a picture of elephants stomping on kittens?" I asked.

Andrea rolled her eyes again. Our moms said we could play around on the office chairs for a few minutes while they talked about the weather.

"Let's pretend we're grown-ups working in a real office!" Andrea said.

I sat at one of the desks and picked up a fake telephone.

"Send over a million dollars!" I barked into the phone. "Now!"

"Where's my coffee?" Andrea shouted. "I'll die if I don't have coffee!"

"You're fired!" I barked again. "Get out!"

Pretending to be a grown-up is fun.

"I need to file some reports," Andrea said, and she rolled her chair over to a big filing cabinet. When she pulled it open, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

A head popped out!

"G'day, mates!" the head said.

"AAhhhhhhhhhhhh!" we screamed.

It was Mr. Granite, our new, third-grade teacher!

Excerpted from "My Weird School Daze #3: Mr. Granite Is from Another Planet!" by Dan Gutman. Copyright © 0 by Dan Gutman. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Author Profile

Dan Gutman

Dan Gutman

Dan Gutman was born in a log cabin in Illinois, and used to write by candlelight with a piece of chalk on a shovel. Wait a minute. That was Abraham Lincoln.Actually, Dan grew up in New Jersey. And, for some reason, he still lives there.
Like a lot of boys, Dan didn't like reading, but loved sports. So naturally, he grew up to write sports books for reluctant readers.
In 1994, Dan cooked up a novel about a boy who finds the most valuable baseball card in the world, and discovers he has the power to travel through time using a baseball card like a time machine. The result was Honus & Me. Rejected by ten publishers over two years, it was finally published in 1997 by HarperCollins.
Honus was nominated for eleven state book awards, made into a play, a TV movie, and established Dan Gutman as an emerging name in middle grade fiction. Most importantly, it allowed Dan to avoid getting a real job.
The success of Honus jumpstarted a ten book series--Jackie & Me, Babe & Me, Shoeless Joe & Me, Mickey & Me, Abner & Me, Satch & Me, Jim & Me, Ray & Me, and Roberto & Me. Dan’s goal is to keep writing baseball card adventures until HarperCollins rips the laptop out of his cold, dead hands.
In his insatiable quest for world domination, Dan turned toward younger kids with the My Weird School series. Aimed at beginning readers, MWS describes a school in which the kids are normal but the teachers are all insane. Each book focuses on a different adult--Miss Daisy Is Crazy!, Mr. Klutz Is Nuts!, Mrs. Cooney Is Loony!, Miss Lazar Is Bizarre!, Ms. Todd Is Odd!, Mr. Macky is Wacky!, Ms. Coco Is Loco!, Mr. Louie is Screwy!,and Mr. Hynde is Out of His Mind! (The titles rhyme, you see.)
There are now 30 My Weird School and My Weird School Daze titles. The books have sold three million copies, (and those are just the ones Dan bought himself trying to get on the bestseller list). My Weird School has been cracking up kids all over the country, and there's no doubt that it is the best early reader series in the history of the world.
When he’s not writing books, Dan writes self-glorifying profiles. He lives with his wife, Nina, and their kids, Sam and Emma.

View full Profile of Dan Gutman

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