Pennsylvania Ness

Pennsylvania Ness

by Maz

ASIN: B07413R3F4

Publisher Maz

Published in Literature & Fiction/Humor, Literature & Fiction/Short Stories, Humor & Entertainment, Literature & Fiction

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Book Description


Young, famous and handsome, Pennsylvania Ness is on top of the world. But all that changes when his girlfriend’s timely words, uttered just prior to his untimely accident, render the football hero blind in the most curious of ways, leaving him reliant upon Excalibur, a male organ that has a mind of its own. It’s the biggest weekend of his life and if Pennsylvania Ness is to remain everyone’s hero, he will need all the help his three blundering friends can provide, not to mention the love and disastrous devotion of his repentant girlfriend.

Sample Chapter

Sex with beautiful women had never been a problem for Pennsylvania Ness. From the age of sixteen the movie star handsome football hero had had his pick of beautiful girls only too delighted to permit his erotic entry. But now, at twenty-six, Pennsylvania had a beautiful problem, and the beautiful problem’s name was Conchita.

‘Caramba!’ Conchita exclaimed, pulling Pennsylvania’s hand away from her thigh. ‘I am trying to have a conversation with you and all you can think about is sex.’ Her dark eyes flashed angrily and she tossed her heavy brown locks over her shoulder. ‘You think with your dick, Pennsyl, is there nothing more to you?’

‘That’s not fair,’ Pennsylvania countered, eyeing and fighting the desire to caress the beautiful, bare shoulder, ‘I tried to listen but you’re purposely arousing me, what do you expect?’

Conchita primped. It was true, she couldn’t help herself, even when she wanted more from Pennsylvania than sex, she still needed to know she drove him mad with desire. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she lied, pursing her thick lips seductively, ‘I thought I was having an intelligent conversation with you but your brain is ruled by your dick and you’re not listening, you never listen.’

This was not entirely true. Although Pennsylvania found it difficult to listen, he’d been making a sincere effort to stay focused. But the woman he desired most in the world possessed a body that couldn’t be ignored. Every inch of her was exquisite and demanded his constant attention. How could he look at her legs without running his hand up those perfect thighs; gaze at her cleavage without slipping his fingers into its silkiness; put his arm around her tiny waist without running his hand over her rounded buttocks? Aware, however, that his girlfriend wanted more from him, he’d made concerted, albeit miserable, attempts to pay attention whenever she began one of her intense, in-depth discussions on mind-numbing subjects.

But as good as his intentions were, listening had proved difficult for the footballer - it was not something he’d ever considered important. In the past, Pennsylvania had always resisted conversations with girlfriends, ‘Start talking to your girlfriend,’ he’d told his friends, ‘and you may as well marry her.’ But Conchita was different, she was the only woman he’d wanted to keep around for anything other than sex. The Latin beauty made him happy in ways other women hadn’t, and he saw the danger in ignoring her. Determined to prove his worth, he’d contributed to this evening’s discussion on the benefits of vegetable fats over animal fats with two carefully considered replies. But when the woman of his dreams had curled up on his lap, her hair cascading across his chest, her soft, smooth arms wrapped around his neck, all thought of fats of any kind had vanished from his mind and, without thinking, he began caressing her leg, his hand slowly creeping up under her short skirt. This had been entirely what she’d expected, but her boyfriend’s astute perception of her wily ways had angered her, and after feigning righteous indignation, ‘I was not trying to seduce you, I was trying to have an intelligent conversation,’ Conchita leapt from his lap, grabbed her handbag and stormed off towards the front door.

Pennsylvania quickly followed. He caught her in the hallway. ‘Don’t go, Chita,’ he gently took her arm and turned her around, ‘I was listening, I promise, I can multi task!’

‘No, you can’t!’ she snapped angrily, leaning towards him, her face close to his. ‘I have no idea how you concentrate long enough to play football.’ She leaned closer, ‘Football and your dick, they are your life,’ her breasts rose and fell with each breath as they fought the confines of her tight midriff top. Pennsylvania’s gaze journeyed south and remained glued there. Conchita couldn’t believe it. ‘You’re doing it again,’ she yelled, ‘you’re impossible.’ She swung her handbag towards his face but Pennsylvania instinctively ducked and the bag caught a glancing blow to the top of his head. Conchita turned, raced to the door, opened it and disappeared, yelling loudly as she went, ‘You see everything through your dick, Pennsylvania Ness!’

Had she waited another two seconds she’d have witnessed the disastrous result of her bag attack. Pennsylvania’s body was bent to one side from dodging the handbag. In a desperate attempt to follow Conchita, he twisted his legs and launched himself forward, but his feet became entangled in the thick pile rug that bunched beneath him, and the star footballer fell headlong onto the door, smashing his head on the handle and dropping unconscious to the floor.


Excerpted from "Pennsylvania Ness" by Maz. Copyright © 2017 by Maz. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Excerpts are provided solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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Author Profile



The life of Writer, Photographer and Designer, Maz Whitley, is filled with an abundance of creative endeavours - all products of a fertile, and sometimes warped, imagination.

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